Monday, June 22, 2015

Food for Thought: Where I've Been

Hey guys, it's Aya. I've been a bit distant from the blog due to a bunch of life happenings, which I wanted to address in this blog post today. Even though this blog is mainly focused on food, there is an actual person behind it, writing all the words and creating content. I thought it was only fair to clue you guys in.

I initially started writing this blog as a creative outlet to post what kind of food I had been enjoying whilst living on my own in another country. The experience of settling into Berlin was daunting but this blog made it fun and it was an excuse for me to constantly cook and try new things. Unfortunately in real life, it wasn't that easy. New experiences were scary and I was avoiding them constantly. It wasn't like trying out a new dish that turned out to be a flop, because when that happens, you just chuck it out and make adjustments for the next go-round. Failing at real life things meant accepting consequences and taking a longer time to deal with them.

These past few years in Berlin have been a whirlwind experience and along the way I realized that I'm definitely not perfect, despite what wish I have to be and how hard I push myself to achieve this image. I also know that I am way too concerned with pleasing others and use up a lot of energy trying to do so. A combination of these things have hindered me (way before I even moved) from stepping out of my comfort zone to try new things that I actually wanted, not just things that I was okay with doing because I knew that I could already be good at them.

This year I decided I wanted to try my hand at attending university again. I've been talking about going back for so long, and 4 years flew by with me just telling myself I wasn't ready to do it yet. This year I applied. I applied for a spot in the Visual Communications department of the University of Art in Berlin. Yesterday I got the response.

I've been rejected.

I know I just built all this up as a "work hard, take chances, and you will be rewarded" type thing, but it's not always like that. Sometimes you take a chance, you try, and you still end up empty handed. And I'm actually okay with it.

Pretty much all my life I sat back waiting for things to happen for me and when I went for something, it was always just a few steps below the thing that I wanted. I was okay with a happy medium that I could achieve rather than a greater task I almost knew I would fail at.

If living abroad has taught me anything, it's that you should take chances anyway, no matter how hard you may fall. The pressure heightens sometimes because it seems you already took a chance by moving out of your nest, but if you don't continue to take chances and accept the outcome, good or bad, you won't ever learn. It's the same with relationships. Always stick to your guns and everything else that goes against it isn't part of the puzzle to begin with.

Finally, you might be wondering what my next step is. First of all, I haven't given up on the idea of becoming a university student. Rejection just means working on where I lacked this time so that I can improve the next time. Also don't worry, the blog will continue to be my creative outlet for cooking and eating. I guess it's a bit too soon to make drastic changes, but as time goes by, I'm sure I'll slowly find my way.


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