Saturday, July 20, 2013

Negative to Positive

Hey guys, I wanted to talk about emotions today. I know, it sounds like the intro to some kids show on the Disney Channel, but hear me out.

In order to live a healthy life, I think we all need to find balance and peace in our mind. That means not letting our thoughts affect us negatively, and not letting those thoughts turn into action. It happens sometimes. I admit it, the reason why I felt I needed to write this now is because it happened this morning. It was not very early but I was coughing in my sleep for half of the morning and just felt powerless and weak. I had to get up and go somewhere with Oli, but it just seemed like there was no time, and we always end up rushing for the bus (buses are infrequent in the area we live, and trains as well). At that point, I snapped. It wasn't even about the buses or rushing to get somewhere, it was a trigger for some problems I've been experiencing as of late, mainly with my visa, financial situations, etc.

Now as I sit here writing this with a level head, I notice that I do this often. When there are problems buried inside of me, they come out, all at once, in a very frustrated manner. And I tend to push people away despite them wanting to help, because I hate admitting the fact that I'm not perfect, and I am obsessed with not letting that show. At the end of it all, I say things I don't mean and I feel even worse about myself.

If this sounds familiar to you, or if you have dealt with similar situations where you let negativity get the best of you, then you know this feeling of stupidity and utter remorse that comes after letting it out.

It sucks.

But it's okay because it happens to everyone and it's part of being human. Also, feel better because at least it means you care. If you didn't care, if these problems weren't bothering you, if you didn't want to change something about it, then you're not living. So thank god you're living.

I'm constantly trying to improve myself, and that means trying not to think every bad thing will lead to something worse. It's unhealthy to think this way, and it really shows. People can sense when someone is not at their best. The color in their skin is dull, their laughter is sparse, and overall their enthusiasm to do things is gone. I know when I'm feeling down, I don't even want to cook sometimes! That's horrible, because it's actually one of the things that would make me feel better.

The best thing to do is understand the issue and try to work on it, but not dwell. Always think that if you're down, you can go up. There's probably more options than you think you have. I know these are just nice words and sometimes it all sounds like you've heard it before. Trust me, you have. You've probably told yourself many times what I'm telling you right now and it hasn't worked. But why hasn't it worked?

Because you didn't allow yourself to think that it could.

Negativity is not an instant fix and when it's gone, it doesn't mean it's gone forever. Feeling bad happens because bad things happen, and sometimes all at once. But it doesn't mean it will always be that way, and the way you cope with it changes how you will feel when it's all over.

I want change for myself. I want to feel good about myself and what I have because I have these things for a reason. I'm worth feeling good about myself and my life, and I think everyone is worthy of it too.

Now next time you're feeling down, ask yourself: would you rather assume the worst or believe that you can only become your best?

1 comment:

  1. Aya, I miss you dearly, and I miss hearing about your stories. Glad to see you're trying to work through problems. Seeing you struggle and think aloud (on a blog is aloud enough) is helping me work through my own too. Talk to me sometime!